Sheila Porter Sagers Life Sketch

Sheila Porter Sagers. How do we remember such a kind, strong, and beautiful woman? How do I share with you, some of my most precious and dear memories of my mother? I have decided to do this the only way I know how, and that is with a letter, written and sent to Heaven, and delivered to you here today.

Mama,

All of these people here are expecting me to say some nice things about you… What would you like them to know?

You’d want them to know how you loved your daughters, you’d want them to know how devoted your husband was.

Well, they already know, mama. It’s time for me to tell them about you.

Mama,

When you were born, you were adored by your family. You filled a hole in your mother’s heart. When you were growing up, you were a handful – or so I’ve been told. When you would talk with your mama, you both would start laughing uncontrollably – nothing and no one could get you to stop.

When you were in high school, and you played the clarinet? You would march until your feet bled. You were so good, your band got to go play at nationals. You were so proud of that.

When you moved to Ogden, you were sassy and confident, and you had such a passion for life. When you bought your Camaro, and asked daddy if he wanted to go for a ride, you began your short but beautiful journey together.  Just so you know, mama, you had his heart from day one.

When you and daddy got married, and tried to have a family, you prayed and prayed that one day, you would be blessed with a baby.  God heard you, mama. He gave you two. You and your body endured years of fertility treatments just to get Ashley and me here, and for that I am so grateful.

When we were growing up, mama, we knew we were so loved.  You had this way about you, a way of making us feel that the world would be alright, no matter how dark or ugly it could be.

When you spent those little moments with us mama, we knew there was nothing in the world more important to you.

When you’d let us sit on the kitchen table, and you’d paint our toenails and tell us stories, we knew what devotion was.

When we came home from school, mama, and you dropped what you were doing to listen, we knew what priorities were.

When you stayed up countless nights sewing, mama, we wore your love around us.

When you shared with us your love of reading, mama, we found out just how big this world could be. 

When you taught us how to cook, mama, we learned what love tasted like.

When you would walk by our room and watch us sleep, mama, we felt your prayers.

And when you hugged us, mama, we never wanted to let go.

And, When you got sick, mama, and we thought our hearts were breaking, you showed us how strong you really were. When I try and describe to people how you were, mama, the words that come to mind are “strong” and “loving”.

I wrote about you, mama. A lot. In my journals, and on my blog. I tried to tell the world how much you meant to me. I learned so much from your example.

I want to share with you now, mama, the words I never told you. The words I hoped you knew in your heart.

I hope you knew the reason we fought so hard to keep you here is because we loved you.

I hope you knew that my heart broke when I saw you in pain.

I hope you knew that I saw beyond your disability - I saw my mama. 

I hope you knew that despite all that your disease had taken from you, I knew you were still there. 

I hope you knew, mama, that you have given me more than you have taken from me. 

I hope you knew, mama, that all of the tears I have cried are not because of you, they are for you. 

I hope you knew that when I walked out of your room every night, I left a piece of my heart with you. 

I hope you know that everything I do is to make you proud. 

I hope you knew that I will always carry you in my heart.

I hope you knew that you gave me a solid foundation - a good one. 

I hope you knew that I'm forever grateful for the things you taught me. 

I hope you knew that I cherish our memories... And your stories. 

I hope you know that when I am happy, you are a part of my happiness. 

I hope you knew that in the quiet moments, when our eyes met, I knew you were speaking to my soul.

I hope you knew that when you reached a trembling hand toward me, it warmed my heart. 

I hope you know that when people tell me I'm just like you, it makes me proud. 

I hope you know that I am happy I look just like you. 

I hope you know that I have never, not once, been embarrassed of you. 

I hope you know... Just how much I loved you.

I hope you know that I am so grateful that God made you mine. 

I hope you know that you were the best mama a girl could ever have.

You were brave, mama. You were strong.  You fought. You stood in the face of MS and you suffered, but never once complained.  And for that, you’ll always be my hero.

Love forever,

Your Princess